Lost at 1:40 in the morning, warning emo!

I am 24 and feel like I am making all the wrong decisions in my life. I feel lost, confused, and nowhere near a clear path. I feel like I a grasping for straws. I haven't talked to my family in so long and not for any good reason. I feel like I don't deserve to be part of a family until I have my life together, even though I know they are there for me. I feel like I don't deserve them. It has been so long since I have called my grandma I feel like if i did call her it would be awkward. I miss San Diego, but I know if I move I will miss all the friends I have made up here. I am 24, it is time to figure this shit out and stop waiting like something or someone is going to make these decisions for me. Wow, emo facebook note at 1:40am ftw

Well hello long lost blog

1) Just finished Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk, was pretty awesome!

2) Had one of the most amazing weeks of my life with the sweetest guy ever!

3) Have a weird hat tan line on my forehead.

4) Quit the bucks, or let go, depends who you ask.

5) School starts at the end of august! Can't wait!!

6)I miss San Diego more and more every day.

7) I miss someone else, more and more everyday.

8) Without school and a job my days are boring as all hell.

9) I need to settle on a major!

10) I could use a good cuddle right now.

30 minutes until V-day

I am single, still. I didn't think I would still be single almost a year later. In this year I realized one thing, I hate being single. I hate being alone. I hate that when I am down and need someone to hold me in their arms, I have no one. When I come home from work, there is no one to lay in bed with and talk about our days. When I get an A on a test, there is no one to give me a hug. I still can't just make food for one person, I always make way too much. I guess I really do need that validation of another person. Someone else wanting to be with me, choosing me over someone else. Deciding to spend their time with me because they love me. Mainly I miss the way that person looks at you, I would kill for someone to look at me like that again. I feel invisible, discarded, unwanted left overs for the dog to sniff at. I just feel like I have all this love to give, all this affection to show, and no one wants it. Well this didnt help.