tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-29075662420523548092024-03-13T13:34:54.365-07:008 SHADES OF NIFTYRandom musings of a lost twenty somethingAdam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.comBlogger91125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-77575391675813655012011-04-10T23:34:00.000-07:002011-04-10T23:49:51.866-07:00DirectionI have never felt more lost in my whole life. I don't know who I am, what I want or where I am going. What do I do? Move somewhere new? Do I just need a change of scenery? Would going back to school help? Am I just feeling this way because I am back in El Cajon and surrounded by a past I try to move on from but keeps bringing me down? I know living with my mother isn't helping and I need to get out of here asap. I am thinking of moving back to orange county. It wasn't perfect but I felt like I was moving forward there. Financially it wasnt great but emotionally I felt more progressed. Living here I am surrounded by so many memories that I cherish and hate all at the same time. I just need something.....Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-68172779312875915872011-04-06T01:50:00.001-07:002011-04-06T02:01:27.546-07:00ParentsI am sitting in my room watching Brothers and Sisters which always makes me reflect on my own family. Sometimes I wish I had different parents. Even though I know my Dad loved me and did everything in his power to provide for his family and worked so hard to make sure I never went without I am still resentful that he was gone so much. I hate that I didn't take advantage of the fleeting moments he was home. I am also pissed that he left me with the monster. My mother is the farthest thing from a mother. She is a needy, self centered, lying, cheating, drug addicted, hot mess. I see my friend's moms and I am green with envy. I recently went to a friend's parent's house and I was warmly invited. His mom made me a tuna sandwich and cut up fresh strawberries and put them in a tiny little bowl on the side. She oozed maternal instincts from every pore of her skin. I felt loved, I felt a maternal love that I rarely get to experience and in that moment I was actually jealous of my friend that he gets this love every day of his life. I then felt like a horrible person for being jealous of something so amazing. I wish I had this complex family dynamic. I wish I had a horde of brother and sisters I could argue with and be there for. I wish there was a maternal home we could all meet at for family dinners. I wish...Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-59995868212082217752010-06-07T03:49:00.000-07:002010-06-07T03:51:23.998-07:00NEWS!!!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivtwXkgPx9WR6gH2MpPL-udOUXw5HK3wkRUHKYZeqA3fNrVg7VnT16dUEVDUrzt_EnKVpvvM9UCrZ-WamYpJZ7qOPzP1xK4SHnH9x4_HRcSybDm4xciZw57LLydvBzUz9kxTjq6ZICH5I/s1600/www.facebook.jpeg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivtwXkgPx9WR6gH2MpPL-udOUXw5HK3wkRUHKYZeqA3fNrVg7VnT16dUEVDUrzt_EnKVpvvM9UCrZ-WamYpJZ7qOPzP1xK4SHnH9x4_HRcSybDm4xciZw57LLydvBzUz9kxTjq6ZICH5I/s400/www.facebook.jpeg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5479982584408765714" /></a><br />1) I chopped off my hair!<div>2) My best friend in the whole world is going to have a baby!! </div><div>3) I am so tired of looking for places to live in SD I kind of just want to live in my car.</div>Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-15029568939640988202010-06-01T14:17:00.000-07:002010-06-01T14:23:14.316-07:00HonestySo I think it time I start to look at my life with complete honesty. I am too good at fooling myself or ignoring problems. I am 25, I have no college degree, I am overweight, losing my hair, my father was murdered, my mother is crazy, and I don't know what makes me happy. I feel like I have no direction in my life. I am an adult in the sense that my age fits that term, but inside I still feel 18. Unsure of what direction to take. Afraid of going down the wrong path. I am so afraid of going down the wrong path I have set up camp at the fork in the road. I am going to start using this blog to figure out who I am, what I want and where I want to go in my life. I am not a weak person. I know this. I am stronger than I ever give myself credit for. I can do anything I put my mind to.Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-53703728467885760502010-05-06T23:27:00.000-07:002010-05-06T23:28:41.479-07:00Most AMAZING thing EVER!!!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLrTLZmJsplFs0MDTrt3JCMJmnHiH6O3tDO6rIVZh7LC7vTPLkWovBlNoiyGdEdhYitqGwBzEt9rEzp2eJsBNSvUW6G5Icwg0k9HXfUPTAkKCB8HbvRhIo_voCNId82Ep1xREVM5GiOPs/s1600/drawn_38.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 265px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLrTLZmJsplFs0MDTrt3JCMJmnHiH6O3tDO6rIVZh7LC7vTPLkWovBlNoiyGdEdhYitqGwBzEt9rEzp2eJsBNSvUW6G5Icwg0k9HXfUPTAkKCB8HbvRhIo_voCNId82Ep1xREVM5GiOPs/s400/drawn_38.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5468411266281592386" /></a>Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-44174413957399671222010-05-06T18:19:00.000-07:002010-05-06T18:34:24.669-07:00Movie Review!!!!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibEMrdXKdwEIWz5NNqJuv1YUny3LB5bk3CACSWjPidJDIcvMUo-2LCJgY1TmG0daimwDdiPkH-YJvcmfBbnkNSFhqGhO8sZzRbWuX7jdUvgPa7Ve8UkxuuziK8GKMy3927x_nNpOjn-E4/s1600/taking_woodstock.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 260px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibEMrdXKdwEIWz5NNqJuv1YUny3LB5bk3CACSWjPidJDIcvMUo-2LCJgY1TmG0daimwDdiPkH-YJvcmfBbnkNSFhqGhO8sZzRbWuX7jdUvgPa7Ve8UkxuuziK8GKMy3927x_nNpOjn-E4/s400/taking_woodstock.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5468335187269110050" /></a><br />SO I have been wanting to do a new blog for a long time and I jut haven't had anything really to say. My life has been dullsville lately with no job and no school. So I thought I would give my go at a movie review! We all know i always have an opinion..... about everything!<div><br /></div><div> I recently saw the movie Taking Woodstock. The latest work from Oscar winning Ang Lee. It stars Demetri Martin, who in latest years I have really come to dislike. Once his show started on Comedy Central, my respect for his comedy really fell. This movie really made me like him again! His acting was real, genuine, and the comedy was something everybody could relate to. My favorite part of this film was Imelda Staunton. Her portrayal of S<span class="Apple-style-span" style=" border-collapse: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px; font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;">onia Teichberg was AMAZING!!!! I loved her, I laughed, I hated her at one point, but then loved her again! Now the only thing was strange about this film was the awkward gay tension between Demetri Martin's character and every other male in the film. Every time he talked to a man there was this crazy awkwardness! You kept wondering if they were gonna make out, and then finally *spolier alert* he made out with a dude in front of his dad! AWKWARD!!! All in all, I would watch this again!</span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family:Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="border-collapse: collapse; -webkit-border-horizontal-spacing: 2px; -webkit-border-vertical-spacing: 2px;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: medium;"> I don't know why the font changed out of nowhere......</span></span></span></div>Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-9898149055373185472010-02-17T17:25:00.001-08:002010-02-17T17:27:13.468-08:00ADD FTL!!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgap_E2bF8R-ibMKvwq6ngdJKpuPpHKzhLqrNOSCsu5elHq0EJMI7E88ruLpmXHCcYt0wn51aq6Bc0UJk8Iv6RC0tpAOxrRP-Mz0hsThMtpjeysGHkheVXtZNIJaKxNDFrpRMhsPl0-N50/s1600-h/borat-thanks-for-the-add.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 301px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgap_E2bF8R-ibMKvwq6ngdJKpuPpHKzhLqrNOSCsu5elHq0EJMI7E88ruLpmXHCcYt0wn51aq6Bc0UJk8Iv6RC0tpAOxrRP-Mz0hsThMtpjeysGHkheVXtZNIJaKxNDFrpRMhsPl0-N50/s400/borat-thanks-for-the-add.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5439388598622467730" /></a>So I want to apologize for the lack of new blog post that have any substance. I have just been getting massive ADD every time I sit down to write a post. I promise good things are coming soon. *that's what she said!*Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-14081780785176070222010-02-15T20:30:00.000-08:002010-02-15T21:12:32.036-08:00Roller Derby!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHdf0zzAeoUB7H6t3glvn8nn8tghI9kLRJkvTWJViAw1YSC9-aav8rcvbofSVlGVVYTQJAcUT8TNOxK_bx6cL7JtcKJ95oE1alF4eSG7eFgvzl6KVyCYic0U8GsaJSokbEZR_vsewPDI8/s1600-h/Rollerderbyarmstrong.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 338px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhHdf0zzAeoUB7H6t3glvn8nn8tghI9kLRJkvTWJViAw1YSC9-aav8rcvbofSVlGVVYTQJAcUT8TNOxK_bx6cL7JtcKJ95oE1alF4eSG7eFgvzl6KVyCYic0U8GsaJSokbEZR_vsewPDI8/s400/Rollerderbyarmstrong.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5438699355197391154" /></a> If you can't play nice, play roller derby!Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-86750463933975562562010-01-23T03:13:00.000-08:002010-01-23T03:15:29.305-08:00Hooray finding alcohol I actually like!!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5_wqv3hMUPP7at40E992OFslEmLLfeFVawSXz5bdM4ybik1ueqoh1ShtBMdenzey0Bcgt0bK-VNcxVTObtly0Pni_SHLV75kh6PJ9fNlZ-huwCM0sm7swpHRYCWT358UKYGqoO128lzU/s1600-h/1968-w-so-comfort-270.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 270px; height: 181px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj5_wqv3hMUPP7at40E992OFslEmLLfeFVawSXz5bdM4ybik1ueqoh1ShtBMdenzey0Bcgt0bK-VNcxVTObtly0Pni_SHLV75kh6PJ9fNlZ-huwCM0sm7swpHRYCWT358UKYGqoO128lzU/s400/1968-w-so-comfort-270.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5429891823813219410" /></a>Tonight I found I like Southern Comfort! It is truly amazing! I feel like such a rock star you have no idea!!Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-29241564748420139052010-01-22T14:11:00.000-08:002010-01-22T14:20:24.064-08:00Job hunting is SO MUCH FUN!!! o_0<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIXwTpEoRrOsrKBBtVdtINobJdPz6ak7dP9kT1SeAJ_2SBv8TWQ8BYzpPYRrIu7VJYl5eiAZ_9x4w45KBme2z2P66GEf0fzo3t0rvpTEoog9MU-PYDqQ-OoGGdXMo5KZu-01ux7fuE1yA/s1600-h/rejected.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhIXwTpEoRrOsrKBBtVdtINobJdPz6ak7dP9kT1SeAJ_2SBv8TWQ8BYzpPYRrIu7VJYl5eiAZ_9x4w45KBme2z2P66GEf0fzo3t0rvpTEoog9MU-PYDqQ-OoGGdXMo5KZu-01ux7fuE1yA/s400/rejected.gif" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5429690546499973090" /></a><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>So I have been on the job hunt every day for too many days to count! I have applied for every job opportunity I have come across, gone to shady ass interviews and even considered doing porn. I have come to realize that searching for a job takes a lot of juevos! Everyday I am told I am not qualified for the position I am applying for or I require more experience or I am just not suited for the company or these sombreros aren't big enough, bad little white girl! <div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>I really need to find a job soon or I don't know what I am going to do. I am however trying to stay positive and know I will find a job and know that everything happens for a reason :)</div>Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-54084315012976740942010-01-21T06:18:00.000-08:002010-01-21T06:34:47.589-08:00Things to do when you can't sleep<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR2ucDgKYqPPmOo7pf_W5UQJa3iug6gSFWUqGOhrm-KagPGvnGzxW3UM1NItiIyQoGb7lNQFXtsIUy5mn4dcYUTalmRPlVsc00fcORa4BqDQ8MGSX_ZdkunKvJozDaoxKsowkhLt0Nxl4/s1600-h/coffee+poster.bmp"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 272px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhR2ucDgKYqPPmOo7pf_W5UQJa3iug6gSFWUqGOhrm-KagPGvnGzxW3UM1NItiIyQoGb7lNQFXtsIUy5mn4dcYUTalmRPlVsc00fcORa4BqDQ8MGSX_ZdkunKvJozDaoxKsowkhLt0Nxl4/s400/coffee+poster.bmp" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5429201483366379458" /></a><br />1) Watch Muriel's Wedding on YouTube<div>2) Make amazing iced coffee with Ethiopia Yergacheffe </div><div>3) Play Word Challenge, and fail miserably!</div><div>4) Upload embarrassing pictures of your roommate to twitter</div><div>5) Greet roommates as they wake up</div><div>6) Apply for jobs online</div><div>7) Watch cat go crazy listening to the sound of birds outside</div><div>8) Think of ways to surprise a friend </div>Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-64236552931725493812010-01-21T04:04:00.000-08:002010-01-21T04:14:55.525-08:00Holly Golightly<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgChUtpqcB4llpNekjlQejzz7Vms_aRauxs7r02dso8oRzN7AxJBIqyRu-MYLbHcT294NVsnhbrPypsIk5IQFE2MttpjEQuTKHBU9KwW4er3pgY2xUZPBVeufxNeJKDdRcfYvAVnGtREOM/s1600-h/4938.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 312px; height: 230px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgChUtpqcB4llpNekjlQejzz7Vms_aRauxs7r02dso8oRzN7AxJBIqyRu-MYLbHcT294NVsnhbrPypsIk5IQFE2MttpjEQuTKHBU9KwW4er3pgY2xUZPBVeufxNeJKDdRcfYvAVnGtREOM/s400/4938.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5429162804039035746" /></a> So it's another one of those nights where I am up until 4am thinking about the most random things. Exhibit A would be the picture of Mickey Rooney as Mr. Yunioshi from Breafast at Tiffany's. I never really realized just how much I connect with Audrey Hepburn's character until this morning. <div> I still do not have a job. This is something that makes me feel like a complete loser. I am a fully capable human being. I am not stupid. I know I am trainable and have the ability to do almost anything I am presented with. I am 24 and I cannot find a job, still do not have a degree and barely make it each month. I guess I should look at the positive. I still have a lot more than some people and should be grateful for that. </div><div> I really want to start writing here more. If there are any topics you guys want to me write about let me know. I can always use a little direction. Until then I shall have to say goodbye and goodnight.</div><div><br /></div>Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-39574225827386644052010-01-14T15:31:00.001-08:002010-01-14T15:31:39.706-08:00Your Ex-Lover Is Dead by Stars<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px; ">God that was strange to see you again<br />Introduced by a friend of a friend<br />Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'<br />In that instant it started to pour,<br />Captured a taxi despite all the rain<br />We drove in silence across Pont Champlain<br />And all of the time you thought I was sad<br />I was trying to remember your name...<br /><br />This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin<br />Tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in<br />Now you're outside me<br />You see all the beauty<br />Repent all your sin<br /><br />It's nothing but time and a face that you lose<br />I chose to feel it and you couldn't choose<br />I'll write you a postcard<br />I'll send you the news<br />From a house down the road from real love...<br /><br />Live through this, and you won't look back...<br />Live through this, and you won't look back...<br />Live through this, and you won't look back...<br /><br />There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave<br />You were what I wanted<br />I gave what I gave<br />I'm not sorry I met you<br />I'm not sorry it's over<br />I'm not sorry there's nothing to save<br /><br />I'm not sorry there's nothing to save...<br /></span>Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-1714919757283231522009-10-30T01:46:00.000-07:002009-10-30T01:47:13.250-07:00Lost at 1:40 in the morning, warning emo!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'lucida grande', tahoma, verdana, arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px; color: rgb(51, 51, 51); ">I am 24 and feel like I am making all the wrong decisions in my life. I feel lost, confused, and nowhere near a clear path. I feel like I a grasping for straws. I haven't talked to my family in so long and not for any good reason. I feel like I don't deserve to be part of a family until I have my life together, even though I know they are there for me. I feel like I don't deserve them. It has been so long since I have called my grandma I feel like if i did call her it would be awkward. I miss San Diego, but I know if I move I will miss all the friends I have made up here. I am 24, it is time to figure this shit out and stop waiting like something or someone is going to make these decisions for me. Wow, emo facebook note at 1:40am ftw</span>Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-20078225795906114482009-07-21T23:06:00.000-07:002009-07-21T23:41:13.595-07:00Well hello long lost blog<div>1) Just finished Survivor by Chuck Palahniuk, was pretty awesome!</div><div>2) Had one of the most amazing weeks of my life with the sweetest guy ever!</div><div>3) Have a weird hat tan line on my forehead.</div><div>4) Quit the bucks, or let go, depends who you ask.</div><div>5) School starts at the end of august! Can't wait!!</div><div>6)I miss San Diego more and more every day.</div><div>7) I miss someone else, more and more everyday.</div><div>8) Without school and a job my days are boring as all hell.</div><div>9) I need to settle on a major! </div><div>10) I could use a good cuddle right now.</div><div><br /></div>Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-10196309314376246412009-02-13T23:18:00.000-08:002010-01-23T03:12:32.246-08:0030 minutes until V-dayI am single, still. I didn't think I would still be single almost a year later. In this year I realized one thing, I hate being single. I hate being alone. I hate that when I am down and need someone to hold me in their arms, I have no one. When I come home from work, there is no one to lay in bed with and talk about our days. When I get an A on a test, there is no one to give me a hug. I still can't just make food for one person, I always make way too much. I guess I really do need that validation of another person. Someone else wanting to be with me, choosing me over someone else. Deciding to spend their time with me because they love me. Mainly I miss the way that person looks at you, I would kill for someone to look at me like that again. I feel invisible, discarded, unwanted left overs for the dog to sniff at. I just feel like I have all this love to give, all this affection to show, and no one wants it. Well this didnt help.Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-20835298959345045732008-12-31T18:28:00.000-08:002008-12-31T18:50:04.322-08:00It's a New Year<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>As a new year is about to begin, I think of all the things that I hope to make better.<div><br /></div><div>1) I'm going to delete all my online profiles. I have met some really great guys, but for the most part it is just a huge waste of time. Also, I want to meet someone in real life.</div><div><br /></div><div>2) I am going to take better care of myself, which includes the following.</div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>A) Create a work out routine and stick to it.<br /></div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>B) Eat! At least three meals a day, no going all day without eating anymore.<br /></div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>C) Floss!<br /></div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>D) Call my doctors, find out what is wrong with me.<br /></div><div><br /></div><div>3) Have more respect for myself. No hook ups, no friends with benefits, no casual sex. I am so over it! I want the next man I kiss to be someone special, someone important, someone who deserves it!</div><div><br /></div><div>4) Quit Starbucks!! Find a job I enjoy, where I'm treated with respect and I actually make enough money to support myself.</div><div><br /></div><div>5) Focus on school. My education is the key to my future success and the life I wish to lead. I need to make it a priority. I am not stupid, I am worth more than a McJob!</div><div><br /></div><div>6) I need to tackle all my demons. I can't let them rule my life anymore. I need to come to terms with my past and just be able to move on from all of it and be happy. My Dad was murdered, I was raped, my Mom has gone crazy and the one person I have ever loved left me. All these things happened, and I can't change that. What I can change is how I let these events effect my life and my future. I refuse to cry myself to sleep even one more night. I am a strong person! </div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>Tomorrow is a new day, a new year, and a new beginning, and I am ready to start living.</div>Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-29953781813103074502008-12-07T17:54:00.000-08:002008-12-07T17:59:53.053-08:00Emo blog postI just don't get it. I can't even say hi without feeling like I am a huge burden. I just wish for once I didn't have to work so hard to be a part of his life still. I wish he would call me and want to hang out. Though maybe I should just take a hint. Maybe this is his way of telling me he doesn't want me in his life. I mean, why would he want me in his life, what need do I serve. I have been completely replaced. It just hurts that after all we have been through, the ups and the downs, he doesn't even want to be friends.....Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-38542672246492047782008-11-22T20:23:00.000-08:002008-11-22T20:34:11.454-08:00HmmmSo I find myself falling into old self destructive habits I thought I had left behind. Things I know that are bad but give me a brief moment of escape from the pain I carry. I wish I knew how to handle all the things on my plate, but I feel at my age I shouldn't have to deal with a lot of these things. I am not mature enough or have the wisdom to handle it all. Somedays I just want to get in my car an drive, and just keep driving until my car breaks down, and then start walking, and not stop until my legs are sore and broken. I've never been so torn in my emotions, I feel bi-polar. I am so angry, so unbelievably angry, but at the same time I just want any attention I can get. I feel like all the promises made are not being kept. We rarely see each other, I know nothing about what's going on in his life. I feel like I have been completely replaced, my role unnecessary. I feel so weak, so weak, but my pain is so strong. I just want somebody to hold me, someone to hold me in their arms and really mean it. Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-66501961382692002122008-11-04T08:06:00.000-08:002008-11-04T08:24:10.570-08:00I dont understandWhy does this still hurts? Why do I still cry? Is it because this other person gets to do everything I ever wanted to do with him. He gets to have the relationship I always dreamed of having with him. He has met his parents, gone to Europe with him, it's not fair. What was so wrong with me that I was hidden? Why was I kept a secret? Did he not love me as much? Was he ashamed of me? embarrassed by me? I hate that when I lay alone on my bed at night I think of the two of them together, cuddling, and it hurts. Why does he get to be happy? I guess it hurts because when I was with him, my life had meaning, it had purpose. I could create a future with him, I did create a future with him. There was a plan! I moved for him! I changed my major for him! I did everything for him! And where is now, not here! I know this is just some angry rant, I know he does care and is just doing what he feels is right for him and living his life. I know he is always there for me for whatever I need, I know he loved me with all his heart. It hurts because I saw it all happen right in front of me and I did nothing, if only I had said don't hang out with him, where would I be now?Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-21565469204512638772008-10-21T13:20:00.000-07:002008-10-21T13:25:58.909-07:00Been pondering...... and the more i ponder the more I realize. I have all these issues weighing me down. It's like a 50 ton boulder I carry around with me everyday. Some issues are easy to confront, but the majority I am scared shitless of even going near. I realize life is too short, and to let my life be hindered in any way by these cancers is ridiculous. Too cry myself to sleep even one more night is unacceptable. To be anything less than happy and filled with joy and promise and a hunger to conquer life is pathetic. I will face my demons one by one and come out stronger, happier, and 50 tons lighter. Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-5763613653918881722008-09-23T00:54:00.000-07:002008-09-23T01:07:31.213-07:00Oh HAi Blog! I remember you!So it has been awhile. A lot has happened, but that is not the purpose of this blog entry. I find myself regretting certain choices and realizing I only made this choices when I was trying to be something else than I am for someone I care about. The farther away from art I stray the more I feel like part of me is missing. I sit in my marketing classes and find myself sketching on the side of my notes while my teacher drones on about crap I could care less about. I need to think about this more, a lot more, but I think a major change is on it's wayAdam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-13928186752862818892008-08-14T00:03:00.000-07:002008-08-14T00:04:15.395-07:00I hate itWhen I am so exhausted, can't do a single thing, but can't sleep :(Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-28486042312977093182008-08-13T21:20:00.000-07:002008-08-13T22:38:55.762-07:00Tomorrow is my day off<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEismadcKhdeRI1nVtK3FAKdqXM_6x3vBDZ0DqcPRuNBPtomPyu4_jyeJr3fi4FGNjfVEVkXEUAxkMXMz8DyzTsbc4F85q1vCC_94uZrkqf5UhYfyW4i1m4su-LKTT2kdszt8xUIwJiEFz0/s1600-h/Photo+364.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEismadcKhdeRI1nVtK3FAKdqXM_6x3vBDZ0DqcPRuNBPtomPyu4_jyeJr3fi4FGNjfVEVkXEUAxkMXMz8DyzTsbc4F85q1vCC_94uZrkqf5UhYfyW4i1m4su-LKTT2kdszt8xUIwJiEFz0/s400/Photo+364.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5234243658070412194" /></a><br />Going to spend my nordstroms gift card from grandma, and then get shit done. I really want to do some art tomorrow. I feel like I have been neglecting it. For sure going swimming! <div><br /></div><div>On a different note. Work today sucked hairy monkey balls!!!! I'm giving my manager one last try and if he fails again, Im out! I have had it! I am worth so much more than this! I know that sounds conceded, but it's how I feel.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2907566242052354809.post-17632311302137463262008-08-13T00:15:00.000-07:002008-08-13T00:35:04.703-07:00Random Rant for TrevorBottled water is only good in glass bottles.<div>Wal mart sucks because it is killing america and it smells.</div><div>Global warming is a popular theory about what is going on in the world. I could be swayed either way on the subject.</div><div>Art is amazing. Nuf said.</div><div>There are not enough cheese cracker snacks on the market. Im all for more!</div><div>Astronaut food is ok, if you only eat the ice cream.</div><div>Facebook is far superior than Myspace, but myspace is still more popular :(</div><div>My worst birthday party is also my best birthday party. 22 at Hooleys irish pub, drunk off my ass because I got dumped. Although surrounded by friends who care :)</div><div>Sunsets and Sunrises look cool because the sun is awesome and deserves our respect!! </div><div>The end :)</div>Adam Bruckerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14119334359310437255noreply@blogger.com0