Cant sleep

Have a lot of energy, but trying to fall asleep because i have work at 4am. Oh well, best be productive I guess ;)

Health insurance

Is the most boring shit ever!!! Need a new coverage plan and reading fine print is just the most exciting thing ever!

What is disney thinking?

Just saw the trailer for beverly hills chihuahua and im still shocked that this isnt a joke....

Cinco De Mayo

I sit here in my quiet apartment, my roommates still asleep and a million thoughts race through my head as always. I look at old pictures of us, and I cry. Not because the memories are bad, the complete opposite, they are so good, and I miss them. I text him goodnight because for a brief second I feel like I'm not going to bed alone and that maybe just maybe he will be lying beside me when I wake up. I miss the tiniest things. I miss putting my hand on his thigh while we drive around in his car, I miss that so much. I miss being touched. When the person you love touches you, holds you, you feel special, you feel wanted. I miss feeling wanted. There are thousands of other guys out there that I could spend the rest of my life with and probably be happy. My grandma told me that her mother would always say a trolley car comes by every fifteen minutes, all you have to do is wait for it. I want to be happy, I want him to be happy, I just dont know what to do anymore, I dont know what else I can do, and he has already done more than enough, more than anyone else would in this situation.  I don't know why I write this blog, nobody reads it....

today was a hard day

Its when you're sick you really feel alone, especially when you are alone. I was walking through the grocery store looking for soup, then all of a sudden i remembered last time i was sick Dante made me ginger chicken, and I just started to cry, like fucking wail, in the middle of the store. It was so embarrassing. Everyone stared. I miss him so much. Im trying to move on, but it's harder then i ever thought it would be. I hate going to bed alone, I hate waking up alone. I feel so alone. I know I have friends, but friends wont hold you in the night and tell you everything is gonna be ok. I want to call him, but I dont wanna bug him, because its not fair, he has already done so much. Im gonna try and go to bed now. 

its funny

how the weirdest things make me cry now, i thought i had moved beyond a lot of this, but i guess i was just trying to fool myself, because its not normal to just start crying in the grocery store..

Im going stir crazy!!!

I need to get out of this apartment!! Im going mad!  Sadly, I dont think I can drive :(