Wednesday, December 31, 2008

It's a New Year

As a new year is about to begin, I think of all the things  that I hope to make better.

1) I'm going to delete all my online profiles. I have met some really great guys, but for the most part it is just a huge waste of time. Also, I want to meet someone in real life.

2) I am going to take better care of myself, which includes the following.
A) Create a work out routine and stick to it.
B) Eat! At least three meals a day, no going all day without eating anymore.
C) Floss!
D) Call my doctors, find out what is wrong with me.

3) Have more respect for myself. No hook ups, no friends with benefits, no casual sex. I am so over it! I want the next man I kiss to be someone special, someone important, someone who deserves it!

4) Quit Starbucks!! Find a job I enjoy, where I'm treated with respect and I actually make enough money to support myself.

5) Focus on school. My education is the key to my future success and the life I wish to lead. I need to make it a priority. I am not stupid, I am worth more than a McJob!

6) I need to tackle all my demons. I can't let them rule my life anymore. I need to come to terms with my past and just be able to move on from all of it and be happy. My Dad was murdered, I was raped, my Mom has gone crazy and the one person I have ever loved left me. All these things happened, and I can't change that. What I can change is how I let these events effect my life and my future. I refuse to cry myself to sleep even one more night. I am a strong person! 

Tomorrow is a new day, a new year, and a new beginning, and I am ready to start living.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Emo blog post

I just don't get it. I can't even say hi without feeling like I am a huge burden. I just wish for once I didn't have to work so hard to be a part of his life still. I wish he would call me and want to hang out. Though maybe I should just take a hint. Maybe this is his way of telling me he doesn't want me in his life. I mean, why would he want me in his life, what need do I serve. I have been completely replaced. It just hurts that after all we have been through, the ups and the downs, he doesn't even want to be friends.....