Hmmm

So I find myself falling into old self destructive habits I thought I had left behind. Things I know that are bad but give me a brief moment of escape from the pain I carry. I wish I knew how to handle all the things on my plate, but I feel at my age I shouldn't have to deal with a lot of these things. I am not mature enough or have the wisdom to handle it all. Somedays I just want to get in my car an drive, and just keep driving until my car breaks down, and then start walking, and not stop until my legs are sore and broken.  I've never been so torn in my emotions, I feel bi-polar. I am so angry, so unbelievably angry, but at the same time I just want any attention I can get. I feel like all the promises made are not being kept. We rarely see each other, I know nothing about what's going on in his life. I feel like I have been completely replaced, my role unnecessary. I feel so weak, so weak, but my pain is so strong. I just want somebody to hold me, someone to hold me in their arms and really mean it.