Forget regrets

I know it sounds cliche, but no day but today. No time to have regrets. It is what it is. I can only think about today and maybe try and plan tomorrow. It's easier said than done of course, but it's worth a try.

Just saw The Dark Knight

It was good. Although I'll admit it made me feel uncomfortable, but it was really well done. Not much else to report. 

Been thinking a lot about my past

I'm like a child with a really good memory. I remember everything I have lost. I don't forget and move onto something new. Even if I find something new I never forget what came before. I miss the little things. I miss being held so much. I miss just being touched in the slightest ways that you don't realize are significant until they're gone. I miss just grabbing Dim Sum at a moments notice, or waking up early to make someone breakfast. I miss going on drives with the top down blasting music along the coast and feeling like this is all too perfect to be real. I miss putting my hand on someone's thigh as they take a turn too fast. I miss being looked at like I'm wanted. I miss my life. I miss my Dad. I miss the life I was suppose to have. I miss the woman my Mom use to be. I miss waking up next to someone I love every morning. I miss being an us instead of an I. I miss his hugs. I miss his disgusting toothpaste. I regret never telling him I loved him. I regret not being more affectionate because I was so afraid of rejection and so afraid of letting go of control. I regret never telling him I was gay. I regret not getting to know him better. I regret putting the weight of my past onto him, even though I know he didn't mind helping me carry all my baggage and helping me go through it. I'm thankful he was in my life, because I would probably be dead right now if he hadn't helped me through so much. I'm thankful for the lessons he did teach me. Like don't be afraid to ask, the worst thing anyone can say is no. I wish I had more courage. I wish I had more strength. I wish someone could just hold me right now, because I need it so bad. I wish I had the balls to call him, but its 1am and he is probably with him and I don't want to disturb them. I hate that it's awkward now. I hate that my Mom is gone. This blog isn't about just one person, it's about 4 people. People I've lost. People I've loved. People who I have regrets about. 

Why?

Why does it still hurt? Why do I still cry? Why can't I let go? Why do I have to cling so hard to everything? 

This weekend isnt so great...

I'm just in a funk and I cant get out of it. I just wanna curl up in bed and be alone, but I also want attention. I am an enigma wrapped in a riddle dipped in contradiction.....

Bad Day :(

Don't know why but I have just really been down today. No reason, nothing happened. Tomorrow is my day so off thank god. I'm just gonna relax and work out. Hope you all are having a great Saturday night.

iPhone :(

Either the new update just sucks ass or my phone is on deaths door, either way, massive sadness!

Before bed

This excited me! Im such a dork!!

http://www.traileraddict.com/trailer/watchmen/trailer

Home from work :)

So I'm home from work. I should go to bed, but I'm wide awake. Everyone else is asleep. Im sitting here in my living room wasting time by visiting random sites. I think I'm gonna take down all my ads. I'm not meeting the right kind of people and I need to stop looking. The guy of my dreams is out there somewhere. I'm just really impatient. I want it now! :)

Watching: Margaret Cho

Wants: chipotle and a sprinkles cupcake

Mood: nostalgic

Needs: A massage and to call my grandparents

Mind Fuck!!

My mind has just been blown!!! It's a long story, and I shouldn't post it here. Needless to say it changes my perspective on internet dating and really makes me wonder how people trust others so freely and openly without every meeting. I think I'm finally going to bed. Going to Disneyland tomorrow. Sometimes it's the best therapy :)

What can I say?

Life goes forward as usual. Work was interesting today with all the new promotions, lots of confused customers."what's Sourbeaddow?"" You mean Sorbetto?" It was kind of crazy! On a different topic. I'm becoming to realize just how needy I am today. I never thought I was someone who required a lot of attention, but it turns out I do. Several times today I felt like I was being ignored by several different people, and I hated it. Also, I'm a very awkward person. I wish I could change that, but I think I'm just stuck being awkward :) Well Goodnight everyone! 

Listening to: The Ramones

Wants: Attention

Mood: Sleepy

Not much to report

Have to go into work soon. New closing time of 11pm is making me a sad panda. Have spent all morning looking for a new job. Why is it so hard to find a decent job?

Rocky Horror Picture Show Night!

Was a great success!!!! Note to self, too much cheese makes Adam a sad panda! Also starting a Canada fund. If you would like to contribute that would be awesome!!! The sooner I get to Canada the better :)

iPhone 2.0

So I updated my phone yesterday. It was such a huge ordeal! Took over three hours!! In the end I'm glad I did though. I haven't any buggy problem yet and I'm liking all the cool new apps I have on my phone. Mainly the light saber one. Im such a dork!  No big plans for the day, just relax before I have to go back to work tomorrow. So I feel I should make a correction to a previous post. I thought only two people read my blog, turns out there are quite a bit more people who this thing, cool :)

Thought

What if this is as good as it gets? What if everything I could ever need or want is at my fingertips?

Listening to: Attack in Black

Mood: still sick

Wants: Mash potatoes 

My Niece!

She is like three months old here. So cute!!! She has a really cool attitude too!
I got to be there the day she was born. It was pretty cool.
She is like 4 hours old here. When I walked into the room I thought she was fake because she looked too real.

oh! Here's what our couch looks like!

Only its in chocolate brown :) I'd take a picture of it right now, but its in use.

Couch Adventure!!

First stop in our adventure was San Marcos to meet up with Emilio's Mom BLANCAA!!(inside joke) We had a killer brunch while I tried to look baller in the backyard :)
Off to Jerome's to pick up the couch! We try to look gangsta where ever we go.
DJ drove, while we followed Blanca on the long trek back to the Newport Castle :)

My life thus far

So I was going to plan this all out and figure out everything I was going to write, but I'm taking "someones" advice and just start writing.  It's been two months since my last blog and a lot has changed since then, like for one, my zip code. I live in Newport Beach now with some friends in an amazing townhouse. I share the master bedroom with my friend Elyse and so far everything is going great. The only thing that sucks about this complex is almost all the street parking is under this trees that have these berries that fall onto your car and stick to your car, its so gross! Bertha needs a bath in the worse way!

Last semester at school went great. I got an A in my marketing class, which rocked my socks because I loved that class so much! I'm really glad with my new major. I get to be creative and think outside the box but also have a practical career that allows me the opportunity to make a lot of money :) Which as vain and shallow as it sounds, means a lot to my future happiness.

I guess this the part where I talk about my personal life. Been dating some, met some cool guys, met some weirdos, met some guys who disappointed me, met some guys who crushed me. All in all, it was good to get myself out there. It turns out all the good guys are in Canada :)

Got in a car accident awhile back ago. I'm ok, but Bertha has a boo boo. My insurance is being a bitch about it. I called them again and they are literally mentally retarded. I'm gonna call again monday.

I got a really nasty sunburn on saturday!! I was as red as a lobster!! Its finally almost healed. Just itches a lot now. I also have a cold right now :( I hate being sick!!! My throat feels like sand paper, its gross :(

Work is going ok, same old same old. I'm looking for a better job though. One that challenges me, one that pays me what I'm worth. I'm just getting tired of the same thing everyday, the high school drama at my store, and the incompetent management I serve under. I want a job in the field I hope to someday make my profession so I can get as much experience as possible. I'm still working on getting an internship at a record company, at least I have an in at one in Huntington Beach :)

I think that's about it. My life hasn't been too exciting lately. More to come soon :)  Since I now know at least two people read this :)

Massive Blog Coming!!!!!

I realize I have been neglecting my blog. Big Huge Massive blog is coming soon.

listening to:Adele

wants: sleep

mood: insomnia

reading: Survivor by Chuck Palanuik