Its St. Patricks day..

.... but I don't feel much like celebrating. I'm doing better, but its still hurts. Sometimes I wish everything could go back to the way it was before all this shit happened. I wish I could just go back........ I know I have to move forward. Maybe that will help. I just keep hoping he is gonna change his mind. I know I need to become my own person, but why do we have to break up for that to happen. I tried reaching out to the other person. Just wanted to be friendly. I know if I'm still friends with Dante that there is always going to a chance we are gonna cross paths, so I just wanted to extend an olive branch, that's all. I don't hate this guy. Sure when I think of him with my now ex it makes me nausceous and sick to my stomach and I get this pain in the pit of my gut and I want to cry, but he respected what Dante and I had. He didn't try and make a move until after Dante and I were on a break. If Dante thinks he is a cool guy he probably is because dante does have a pretty good judge of character. If Dante needs time to figure out what he wants who am I to deny him that. He gave me the happiest 9 months of my life. I have very few regrets coming out of this. I wish I had kissed him more, been more affectionate. I wish I didn't almost ruined it in the beginning. I wish I knew the last time I was gonna kiss him was gonna be the last, I would have made it last forever. On a different note, I missed my grandma's birthday party, I'm a horrible grandson......