I can't keep doing this...

I can't.......  Any scab that had formed feels like it was just ripped off. I'm not doing this again. I can't do this again. Love is  a powerful thing, too powerful.  I still love him with all my heart. I dont know how not too. At the same time I wanna scream at him! I wanna yell and shout! I know why I always pushed my pain down and never dealt with it, it hurts too much to deal with it. I keep comparing him to brad. It's similiar in alot of ways, but completly different in every other way. Why do I always get dumped for someone else? When will someone amazing that I love and care for pick me? I need to talk to someone, but that someone isnt here. I dont know how not to be his boyfriend. I constantly want to text him or call him, but I always stop myself. He's not mine anymore, and that sucks. I feel bad that I even emailed him a few days ago. I hope no one ever hurts him the way I hurt now. Even after all this pain I still feel protective of him. He's my pumpkin, he will always be my pumpkin. I dont want to date anyone. Not for a very very very very long time. i would have to forget how this feels before I ever let anyone else in. Im proud of myself for letting someone in. It wasn't easy, but it felt good. The only thing that sucks is that this wouldn't hurt so much if I hadn't let him in so deep. He was all the way in. He just might be the only one to ever be all the way in. I just feel hurt that in 2 weeks he is already in another relationship, that he said I love you to another guy. I'll miss his smell, he had the most amazing smell. I'll miss how he could always make me smile, even when I was crying. I'll miss how special he made me feel. I felt like a king when I was around him. I hope this new guy knows how lucky he is to be Dante's boyfriend. Everyone keeps telling me that there are plenty of fish in the sea, but I liked the fish I found, it was the most amazing fish.